She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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