Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
