i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
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Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
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Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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