you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
