That's when you crack a 10am beer
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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