We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
