you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
