Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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