Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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