im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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