Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
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dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
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Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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