you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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