how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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