No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
