well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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