Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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