you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My penis needs a shock collar
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
