never play flip cup with pint glasses
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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