I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
