I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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