I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
