Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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