i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
