I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
