You're a womanizer and a bitch.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
