At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
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Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
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He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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