New low: just hacked my moms facebook
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
And then he peed in my hair
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