yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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