Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Randomize
