im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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