he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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