i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
