Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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