yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
