what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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