i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She bit a glass in half.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
