shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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