At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
