I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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