I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There r osticjed everywhere
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
