the new term for farting is butt boxing.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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