I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He has the fingertips of a God
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