The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
