I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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