My room smells like vodka and shame
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
