Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
