Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
