talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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