I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
