i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why are your pants in the freezer?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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