i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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