she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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