My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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