omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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