I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
