I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
