Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
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I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
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You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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