yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
