...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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