We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
