Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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