Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
