i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
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Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
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He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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