I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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