how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
