I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
