I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
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what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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