I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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