god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
