woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
