Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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