News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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