Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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