I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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