he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
