people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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