I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
