Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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