Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
