Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
