your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
