so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
