You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
